Pleasure is not a good indicator of what’s good. If you simply look at my life and how money, although it provided pleasure to me, did not necessarily provide me with what was good, you’ll see what emptiness was left after the money was gone. Ultimately, what made me glad had little to do with money. Granted…money is a necessary part of this world, but too much emphasis is placed on acquiring it instead of treating it as a by-product of doing the right thing.
The following page charts out my gross income and what was going on in my life at that same time. I won’t go into detail, but I made a lot of money between 2002 and 2008. At that same time, though, the rest of my life was starting to unravel. My wife at the time knew, probably better than I did, that money should not be my source of joy. She told me early on that she was not happy and wanted to leave. I ignored her. I treated her as a commodity.
I unwittingly put myself through a test and found out that if what I accomplished ruined the positive relationships in my life, those accomplishments were meaningless. I was intelligent enough not to be completely off track, so I chose to keep most of my relationships. But I attracted the wrong type of relationships, and I avoided the right kind of relationships. I lost my wife of many years and the time I could spend with my childrenwas cut in half. My heart ached so badly at times that I was sure that a heart attack was imminent. The pain that I felt was not worth the pleasure. There were moments where I would sit in a dark room where I languished. My arms felt like lead, and I couldn’t raise them to eyes that couldn’t even produce tears anymore. As the outside of me looked successful to the world, the inside of me was slowly dying. It seemed that I had everythingthat I needed, but pleasure is not a good indicator of what is good.